PUA

PUA is a verb as well as a noun. 他PUA我 means “he manipulates me”, 被PUA了 means “I got manipulated”, and PUA自己 means talking yourself down.

A psychologist writing in The Paper in 2020 named two parts: the other person makes you feel bad, and then makes you feel that it is your own fault. It is a long pattern, not one rude remark.

People say the letters one by one: P, U, A.

PUA is common in talk about bosses, partners and parents. It names a real problem, so use it with care when you talk about someone else.

Among friends it is also a light joke: 别PUA我 when a friend says your cooking could be better.

In English, a pick-up artist is a man who uses and teaches scripted tricks to get dates. Chinese took the letters with a broader meaning: control through put-downs, in love, at work or at home.

By 2020 the word was in everyday use. That July, 职场PUA, “workplace PUA”, spread after a singer published a recording of a meeting at her management company, The Paper’s writer noted.

Shanghai’s 语言文字周报 put PUA second on its list of the ten internet phrases of 2022, The China Project reports. In 2024 the linguist Victor Mair noted that people use it about relationships, family and work, and often say they “PUA” themselves.